New Approach for Winter

It's been a pretty busy year, not all fun, and I did lose sight of the positive thinking for much of the time. So back to posiblogging as I read a comment in a magazine recently, that 15 minutes of writing, per day, is good for us.

It was a beautiful April, a wet and windy May, wet for June, lovely July, wet August, September and looking a bit mixed for October. I've allowed the weather to affect me for the first time. I wonder if the year in New Zealand, where 2 wet days in a row was a problem, and everyone just waited for them to pass before venturing out for fun once more, has changed my Scottish outlook. At any rate, I need to get back to a healthier approach. I found myself desperately driving with my head stuck out the window on the way home from Inverness on the last sunny day we had a couple of weeks ago. I was so worried it might be our last before winter set in and I thought I might fall apart if I didn't catch 15 minutes worth of rays. It was indeed the last sunny day we had, but I haven't fallen apart, and luckily, I didn't crash the car. I have set a new plan for the winter.

Drink my morning coffee outside at every opportunity when not at work. This will require some inventiveness if coffee not to be diluted by rainwater.

Cycle to work.

Cycle in the dark - Spook tells me he remembers how much I love it. But what I remember, was thinking there were wolves in the woods, my chain falling off at the same time as the lightning lit up the sky in the middle of the forest where I was struggling to get it back on again, and scootering back home without the chain as I definately heard the heavy breathing of a wolverine sneaking up on me as I bent over the bike.

Go for walks in the rain, and also in the dark, as work commitments = less daylight hours. (there are no such things as wolverines.)

Get some lighting into the hut, light the stove and paint, without caring about the end product. Stop waiting for two days off in a row, so that I can spend a day and a half procrastinating before starting anything.

Stop moaning, stop being annoyed by everything, and write something here everyday.

Drip, drip, drop over the edge.

"Do not underestimate good, thinking 'it will not approach me.' A water pot becomes full by the constant falling of drops of water. Similarity, wise ones little by little, fills themselves with good."
The Buddha

I have been very remiss in my blogs. I even stopped looking at the daily quotes as I rushed out the door to work, the last 2 days before the holidays. Very bad, and I'm sure my equilibrium slipped. Certainly, Spook came home from Wales, and I came home soon after, with no packing having been done for the visit to The Guru. There was a stramash and clash of bedding, bags and bad tempers, before Spook continued with the drive to the East. A long journey from Wales. We crossed The Lecht as the snow closed in and we were the only tracks. It was exciting (because we didn't actually slide into oblivion despite the feeling that we would) and we finally arrived at the Gamekeeper and Guru's warm, dog and child filled cottage just short of 11pm.
We had a wonderful weekend of furries and damp weather, great food and company and the 10 people, 8 dogs and 10 puppies fitted into the house in harmony.
Thanks to The Shands for a lovely weekend - bet you're glad we're gone!!
Since getting home, it has been back to work for Spook, but holidays for the rest of us. Not that work has been to onerous for Spook. We attended the world premier of The Outdoor Capital's promotional DVD at the Fort William Film Festival, where it was well recieved, and Meg forgave her father for running around Lochaber's hillsides in a Jimmy Saville suite and wig, as Danny McAskill had done it too. That surely has to pass for 'cool'. (even if it looked a bit dodgy.)
Today, Meg and I cycled to her work as I am helping her while I am free to do so, and while trying to clean windows in the first bright sunshine we've had in ages, Finn phoned to ask if he could 'go over the other side.' I knew he was standing at the top of Nevis Range, looking into a snow filled gully, with avalanche risks that simply don't apply to 'this side.' I figured life was for living, crossed my fingers, and said yes. (Damn that film at the film festival of loonies boarding down vertical walls of snow in Chamonix.) I told him he had to txt me when he got to the bottom. I didn't even care about the smeary windows, which now looked worse than before I touched them. After an eternity, Finn's txt 'ok so cool' came in. Phew! So Megs work done, the sun shining brightly, and Spook on his next filming adventure for MacAvalanche in Glencoe, it is a good day.

Difficulties = Opportunities. Ok.

"In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity."
Albert Einstein

Well that is very encouraging. AFter a week of somewhat discontent, where I got caught up in work (which I was nearly enjoying), I forgot to focus on positive thinking, due to jumping on the bike in the rain, peddling off in a hurry, and getting back in time to catch up with everybody at home, but not catch my breath. So whilst some things were a challenge, I do recognize that I am still learning every week, and will get to grips with the new schedule eventually.
Despite all this, the children have been in top form. Both getting stuck in to homework and study unbidded and managing to engage in communication with the parents without looking like it was causing them physical pain. Dinner has been on the table for me when I have been home, and has continued to be on the table at the hands of Spook when I have not. The fire has been lit and some attempts at deep breathing has eased some of the poor sleep pattern.
The cycling has definately been a help in the non-training regime, but I need to get a shot on the racer so as not to be all wobbly on the day. I'm probably good for one run and a cycle, but as the hips groaned after the last run (more than a week ago), I can't see them liking the 2nd run after the bike stage in the Duathlon. Still, I am fairly confident Finn will not be getting any money out of me on the 19th. I have a couple of days at work and then we are going to the East to spend some time with The Guru as the children are going to be on holiday. Spook has a couple of days in Wales before then.

Bllrrrghumpf.

"The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove."

Yes, yes, yes. I know this. But I really did think I could make Spook see everything in life the same way as me (because I am right) and that is why we have argued for the last 3 days. That and the fact that it is the week before pay day, the car has broken down and the cycling in the rain has become a necessity.
Actually, the cycling has been fine and at least I can pretend it is practice for the Duathlon. I go to work as fast as I can and the same on the way home. The new part for the car will arrive soon, at least pay day WILL arrive, even if not quite soon enough, and pay day doesn't come for everyone. And once I stop thinking that Spook should see life exactly the same way as me - which would be very convenient - we will stop arguing. So I must stop the fruitless efforts and stop multiplying the grief. And the fountains, which had dried up the last 3 days, will spring up once more. My disposition shall become sunny once again.

If I had my own way, I would probably be drinking a glass of wine by the fire tonight.......

"The mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it."
George Eliot

I had so little sleep the other night, that I couldn't come up with any well-chosen statements - I just demanded tea in bed as if it were my right, and the tone was grumpy, to say the least. But I did recover some equilibrium eventually and put things back in order the next day.

As for having our own way.......yip, I still do want to get this and it is taking some effort to change my ways on that. It is a strong impulse. And I usually do think I am right. Although I am quite good at apologising when I get it wrong - eventually. However, with practice, I think I could allow others to choose the way ahead. Sometimes.

It has been an interesting weekend, with an excellent lecture in Roybridge Hall on Friday night with mum, while Meg had a friend over and the boys went out to a cheese and wine and poker night. (wine for the big boys and poker for the small ones. I'm not sure if cheese actually was consumed, but I know the wine was.) The small boys had to escort Spook home and now I think I wont let Spook go out partying without Finn's support, and a bike helmet! I did point out to Finn that this was not a good example of how to conduct oneself, but Finn said he would rather stay sober and enjoy the spectacle than get very drunk and risk missing it.
The next day, Spooks punishment was to dress as Jimmy Saville and run all over hills and glens, filming a promotional DVD for The Outdoor Capital of the Uk. It involved a photo-opportunity with Sir Jimmy himself, and I'm not sure that I might have chosen Jimmy in preference to Spook - such was the state he (Spook) was in.
Sir Jimmy flirted with my Mum and it was a novelle way to spend a Saturday morning!!!
Today was pretty quiet for us, but bruising for Finn who played a game of rugby against Perth. Perth played very well, but the Lochaber boys worked very hard to hold them off - for a while.
The car has broken down again, so I will be cycling to work tonight, just as the rain has come back. This will be good training for me as I have become very lazy. And soft.

Honestly, it's my turn for tea in bed.

"Five factors of a well-spoken statement are: Spoken at the right time. spoken in truth. Spoken affectionately. Spoken beneficially. Spoken with a mind of good will."

I'm hoping that if I apply all these factors to a request for tea in bed tomorrow morning, even when it is my turn to make it, that I might be successful.

I didn't go for a run yesterday, so the training for the Duathlon still consists of one moonlit jog with Spook. I do need to make a little more effort at the weekend. I have a lot less time off just now, so if I don't manage a jog and a cycle on a weekend off, it will be very painful when the day arrives.

It was a beautiful day today and I had to drive up Loch Ness-side. The lochs were like glass and the roads quiet, so it was a very enjoyable part of the day. Spook drove down to Dunkeld as part of HIS working day, after a working stroll through Leanachan Forest, so he was feeling quite good with himself too. Both children are in very good form too - they just need to study the five factors of a good statement when communicating with each other and things will be very smooth!!!

Need Betta Metta.

"Very few people know the real meaning of friendship. More often than not, there is too much emphasis on sentiment, and too little on action. Metta is something that must be lived."
Sanharakshita (Peace is Fire.)

This was yesterdays quote and I didn't blog it as I had a large whisky with Spook to celebrate Burns Night and had to go to bed. I hadn't used the MP3 player the night before as I actually slept pretty well. However, one good nights sleep tends to negate a good one the next night, and that's what I was anticipating when I plugged the player into my ears. Spook fell asleep straight away and I drifted off gently after concentrating on the dulcette tones of the Guru. Every now and then I have a very brief, but frightening nightmare that someone has come into our room. As I wake up and open my eyes, I know I am about to be attacked and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. This often happens soon after I fall asleep and before Spook does, so he somehow manages to comfort me without freaking out himself.
However, he had fallen asleep before it happened this time, and when I screamed right in his ear, bringing him out of a very deep sleep, it was me who needed to comfort him, once I had got my own pounding heart under control. He lay in a state of shock for some time, and then neither of us could get to sleep for absolutely hours!!!! Then I felt that it was only fair that it should be me who dragged her sorry ass out of bed to make the morning coffee, seeing as how my sub-conscious had caused so much trouble last night.
My point behind this is that I think my Metta might be missing. I didn't know what it was, so I looked it up, and if I was practicing Metta, which means loving kindness, friendliness, benevolence, amity, friendship, good will, kindness, love, sympathy, close mental union, and an acitive interest in others - I should be sleepinng easily, waking easily and have no evil dreams. It can be an antidote to insomnia, nightmares and anger.
It would seem that going around being reasonably nice to everyone is not enough to save me. I need to make specific acts of friendship and then I might sleep better. And so might Spook. I mean, he doesn't even need to make the acts of kindness, just as long as I do it, those shadows will stop sneaking up on me, about 10 minutes after I fall asleep.
And it's 2.30pm and I haven't been kind to anyone yet! And if I step it up a bit, I should have improved concentration and a bright complexion. Well, I can't concentrate because I didn't sleep much, but I think I could improve my complexion if I stopped typing on this computer and went for a run.